4.

 

Find yourself stuck in worry mode? Figure out if you can do something about it—like planning for the presentation you have to give—or if it’s out of your control, like waiting for test results. If there is something you can do, great—do it. If not, make a list of all the possible good outcomes.

5


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At the beginning of January, when you get a new appointment book or are setting up your Outlook for the year, randomly select six days sprinkled throughout the year and put a special symbol on them—a sticker, a star, whatever. Then, when you come to them during the year, give yourself a treat. This will bring you happiness sevenfold—the six treats and the smile it brings now in anticipation of what’s to come.

6.




 

Become aware of your negative mental habits. Here’s a practice from Wayne Muller. When something goes wrong, say to yourself, “It’s just as I’ve always known: ___________.”  What phrase leaps in to fill the blank? Most of us have a unconscious negative thought that we use to keep ourselves unhappy. Mine is: “I’m going to end up as a bag lady on the street.” Steve’s is: “Nothing good ever happens to me.” Once you figure out what yours is, practice saying it a few times in different voice tones—angry, sad, teasing. The more you bring this thought into awareness, the less effect it will have.

7.

 

Make or buy a bouquet. Researchers at Rutgers found that flowers put a genuine smile on 100 percent of recipients’ faces. They don’t know why flowers create happiness, but those receiving them reported less stress, sadness and anxiety, and a greater sense of well being.

8



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What music are you listening to? What books are you reading? Are you sinking into a pit of gloom by contagion? Research has shown that our moods are greatly influenced by what we listen to and read. When I was in my twenties and seeing a therapist for my unhappiness, she asked me what I was reading. “Sylvia Plath,” I responded. “Put that away,” she ordered, “and read something uplifting. And no Leonard Cohen music either!” She “prescribed” a collection of stories of pioneer women who withstood all odds. Guess what? I felt better instantly.

9.

 

Make a list of what Dawna Markova, author of I Will Not Die an Unlived Life, calls “life-cherishing forces,” those relationships, places, pets, and experiences that make your life worth living. Then when you’re feeling down, take out the list and read it out loud.

10.



 

Remember the bad old days. We often wax nostalgic about the past, conveniently forgetting all that was difficult or challenging. Novelist Milan Kundera called this tendency “the unbearable lightness of being.” It’s a terrible happiness killer. In one experiment, people who wrote about a wonderful time in their past were significantly less satisfied with their present life, while those who wrote about a difficult time were much more content now. So when you find yourself strolling down memory lane, be sure to recall what was hard about it too.

11.
 

Happiness being destroyed by having eyes bigger than your wallet? Get yourself out of temptation’s way. Avoid the mall, get yourself off catalog mailing lists. What you don’t see, you won’t be tempted to purchase.

12.


 

Doesn’t it feel great to set a goal and accomplish it? What’s something that you’ve been procrastinating about that would give you a great sense of satisfaction to finally do? Clean out the garage? Clear your desk at work? Ask yourself, what would bring me happiness to accomplish? Pick something that’s realistic and set a deadline for yourself.

13.

 

At the end of the day—driving home from work, at dinner with your family, just before you go to sleep, whatever works for you—ask yourself three questions: 1. What am I thankful for today? 2. What do I feel satisfied about? 3. What did I enjoy doing today?

14.

 

An ancient Buddhist list offers four ways to experience physical joy or exhilaration: 1. eating; 2. sleeping; 3. meditating; 4. taking care of your body through bathing, grooming, moving. You can probably think of a fifth—it was most likely celibates who came up with the list.

15.



 

Suffering from pain, mental or physical? Thinking of it as the pain rather than my pain helps create a bit of breathing room. From that place you can start to experience that you are more than the pain, for you are also the one observing it. You are like the blue sky with clouds—the pain--blowing past. The clouds may come and go, but the sky is eternal. The more you can rest in big-sky mind, expanding around the pain rather than tightening against it or trying to deny it, the more it becomes possible to bear.

16.





 

If you are someone who tends to postpone happiness until some event, try this idea from Happiness is Free. “Make a list of persons, places, things, and accomplishments or situations that you believe will make you happy….With every item on your list, ask yourself: `Could I let go of wanting to get happiness from (your item) and allow myself to rest as the happiness I already am?...We are postponing happiness most of the time without being aware of it….As you let go of postponing happiness in these ways, you will discover a deepening sense of happiness that will be with you all the time enhancing all the things that you used to think you required in order to be happy.”

17.







 

Relish what you have. I learned this one from my daughter. Since very young, Ana has always taken great pleasure in her possessions. Recently I bought her a bathrobe, her first. This morning she came in wearing it. “Doesn’t it look great?” she said. “Look at the flowers on the sleeves. And the beautiful purple color. And the fuzzy fabric feels so good! It even smells nice.” Through all her senses, she thoroughly enjoys what she has. Consequently, the smallest things make her happy. Interestingly, this appreciation also allows her to detach when the object is lost, broken, or used up—she has so thoroughly enjoyed it that she’s not sad when something disappears. Really enjoying your possessions helps you not only feel the abundance in your life, it’s one of the best way to counteract the “gimme hole,” that sense of emptiness that we tend to want to fill with more, more, more.

18.

 

Are you having fun yet? What do you do to play? We all need the exuberant energy of play in our lives. I hate games, but love to dance wildly; that’s how I play. Fold some play into your life on a daily basis: tennis, chess, loud singing. Try an improv class, dress up with your kids, rock climbing—whatever is fun for you.

19.



 

Take a joy break instead of a coffee break. When you find yourself bored or snippy at work or home, go into the bathroom and lock the door. For three minutes, think of something that makes you really happy: lying on a beach in Hawaii, laughing with your best friend, whatever gives you joy. Bring it to mind it as vividly as possible: really see, feel, hear yourself in it. Since the brain doesn’t differentiate from vivid imaginings and actually doing something, you’ll get a rush of good feelings as if you were experiencing it right now.

20.

 

When you find yourself mired in regret about a choice you’ve made, remember this little slogan from Dottie Gandy’s and Marsha Clark’s book Choose!, “There is no such thing as a bad choice; there is only a next choice.” You might even want to make a card with this saying and post it somewhere you can see it often.

21.

 

I once got an e-mail from a guy named Larry who wrote, "I want people to be happier after I come into a room than before." What if you adopted Larry’s attitude? How would you treat those you meet as you go through your day? Give it a try and see what a joy it is to be a joy!

22.



 

When you finish something, celebrate as much as you would have bemoaned not finishing. When someone does something that pleases you, rejoice as much as you would have been angry if they had done something annoying. When you find something you’ve been looking for, celebrate as much as you would have been upset if you hadn’t found it. In other words, take every chance you have to revel in the good things that happen to you. Celebration itself is a creator of joy.